O'er The Land of The Free

Yesterday was a waste of time. I skipped yesterday's blog because if I had a choice in the matter, I would have skipped yesterday altogether. I was sick, Nicholas was sick, THE OMNIPOTENT MOMMY was on the go, and it was just downright crazy up in here. The only fortunate incident relative to my story is that one of the positions I applied for needs to be filled rather quickly, and the company called to phone screen me, which is the first step to an interview process. The position is in Reston, so if I get the job I am going to be beside you in 66 traffic stuck behind the non-English speaking people who obviously have different driving standards in their home country. The good news is with all that drive time I can implement some measures I have been wanting to but haven't had the time. I can:

• Learn a foreign language
  
• Study for an educational course


• Listen to stupid talk shows and laugh at idiots


• Listen to the morning news and get depressed


• Read a book
  

This, of course, is the positive way of having to deal with Northern VA traffic.

Today my sweet children let me sleep in until 8! That is unheard of. I can't remember the last time this has happened. They went to bed late, so that may have been a factor. We were sitting around watching cartoons this morning and I had my shirt off while I was feeding the chidren. Nicholas points to my chest and says "Boobie". I think he was really trying to say "Baby", but nevertheless, push-ups are now added to my morning routine.

We had adventure time today. I had to go set up a payment plan for Claire because she is starting pre-school this year. While we were there at the office, the children would not obey my wishes and had to constantly touch everything in sight. The poor secretary there had to whip out a few stuffed bears for them to play with, which made me bring up the question: "Are you giving those to them or are they just using them?" to which she replied, "No, I need them for the other children." This of course was not a good situation for me, because I knew once Claire had to give hers back she would be crying for a bear, and, as if I had psychic abilities given from above, of a surety this event happened. Therefore I felt sorry for her and told her we would go to town and get her a bear, since she only has about 14,000,000 stuffed animals at home and that is clearly not enough for my sweet princess. Sooooooo, off to Walmart we went.

Due to the current CD that is playing in our van, I feel somewhat patriotic now considering it is patriotic songs for kids (Star Spangled Banner, My Country Tis' of Thee, etc.). As a result, I have decided to take more pictures than usual of today's events and post them on here. Truly, this is the land of the free! I am still proud to be an American.

Tis' Yonder Children



Tis' I, J da Great


Local cow field


Yet another local cow field


What it's all about


The Fruited Plain


The Fauquier Motel Sign....Uhhhh, maybe this doesn't go with the rest of the pics


Direction of our travels homeward




To finish out our theme, we have LIBERTY High School

The children are now sleeping and I am tired. I think I am going to relax for a few. You have a good day!

J

Isotopes, Nuclides, and Atoms, Oh My!

Come with me as I visit the past for a minute. Join me in my time machine that I have recently perfected:

I'm stationed at Naval Air Station Pensacola about 9 years ago, and I'm attending an aviation school that has a section we must pass to qualify as an aviation radiographer. We are sitting in class, and I'm reading over my study material. As I'm reading over the atomic weight of beryllium and how alpha particles are dangerous but cannot penetrate even a slab of cardboard, the thought occurs to me that I will never really need to know this information, I just want to work on airplanes. Of course, after I completed the school, I was an aviation inspector and we x-rayed F18's and other numerous aircraft to check for cracks in the structures. I used that information on a daily basis. If I had known the importance of it, I might not have been so reluctant to learn about gamma rays, decay, and dosage limits.

Okay, fasten your seat belt! We're going back to the present. Put away your Bush/Cheney bumper stickers and embrace Socialism!

So now I'm sitting here reading my science book, and it's one of those courses where I'm thinking, I will never really need to know this information, I just want to get my degree. Lo and behold, the very chapter that I am studying is on atomic weight, radiation, dosage limits, gamma rays, decay, and pretty much the same stuff that I aforementioned.

My overactive and constantly wandering imagination kicks in:

Could this be deja vu? Is this some weird parallel experience that I have stumbled upon, to think that I will never use this stuff and then end up using it again? All of this has happened before, and it will happen again. Will I be a nuclear scientist, or just go back to working on airplanes? Is this my mission in life? What am I supposed to do? Did I not get enough genes passed on to me during conception? Maybe Darwin was right and we descended from monkeys. I could go for some Chunky Monkey ice cream right about now. I wonder if Star Trek is on TV. The kids are still asleep, I better finish my science homework.

So since I've had this sort of parallel experience, I thought I would share it with everybody. It probably means nothing, but it sure sounds cool.

When I put the children down for naptime, they were not going down easily but they nevertheless succumbed to their destiny as quiet, sleeping, wonderful children. But before that, we goofed around for a few:


Claire and I Cheesin' for the camera (Click on the pic, you can see my nose hairs)



Nicholas chose not to participate

The children are still in bed taking their afternoon nap. This happens to be a glorious occasion. I am so happy when it is total quiet in this place and I can get stuff done.

You have a wonderful afternoon! I have class tonight, so if I don't see you this evening, you have a wonderful life experience and I'll catch you in the AM.

J

See Ya at the Crossroads, So You Don't Get Lonely...

To add a certain sense of adventure to my seemingly endless search for proper employment, I have decided to paste an email I wrote my buddy Kevin a week ago:

K-Diddy:

I'm sitting here trying to get it together man. I saw a great FAA job on here, but they require about a zillion KSAO's so it will take me a while to get it done, and the children are not going to let me do it. Claire has to go potty about 40 times, and Nicholas is climbing all over me while I'm trying to type. I have a midterm due (online) tonight and, of course, I have to be at church. I am not complaining about the church time but you understand that I cannot get anything done with children hanging off of me like two chimps swinging on a tree, so I am a bit frustrated that they will not allow me to get any job hunting done. Stacey may have bought us time until August, but if I don't have something by then I might be the guy that's asking you if you want fries with that burger. (Not to make fun of fast food industry workers, but it won't pay the bills.) You know what I'm saying.

On a positive note, I just had to pause to pick up Nicholas because he is in snuggle mode and he wants his Daddy. He is in a good mood so he is snuggling down. It feels good to spend some time with them because I never get to do this. Maybe it is a gift.

I hope you're having some blessings on the job search. It is dry for me today in that aspect. See you tonight in C-Town.

Pressing Onward,

Jam Master J

This was an email I sent about a week ago, but I have had a few calls and emails to set up interviews. I think I am progressing. Nevertheless, the email description is a typical day for me as I search.

I have reached a crossroads in my career path decision. I just don't know what I'm going to do now since the financial industry has been destroyed by greedy idiots. I am so lost on this, so very uncertain of what's to come. I need God's guidance in all of this. I don't know what I'm doing half the time.

Now on to more Adventures in Babysitting:

I finally put Pooka and Princess down for bed around 8:15 PM, but since they napped today until 4:30 PM, they are not very tired tonight. They are still up making all kinds of racket. It is endless. I heard Claire calling for me, but once again I chose to ignore it for about 30 seconds. Luckily, I remembered what happened earlier today when I chose to embrace ignorance, and I went in there to see what she needed. It was a terribly important ordeal. Her little baby pony who wears a fake diaper needed a diaper change, she insisted. As I went to change the diaper, I noticed there was something rather slick on it...No, I profoundly thought, it can't be...it musn't. But, of a surety, upon glancing toward my son's crib, there appeared before me a rather slickened jar of Vaseline that had been brought out of the drawer that I stupidly kept in their room. Vaseline on Nicholas, Vaseline on his crib, Vaseline all over the place. After going through the finger incident and then being so tired as I already was, I bellowed for THE OMNIPOTENT MOMMY to come help me clean all this mess that had now ruined my relaxed state. After working a full day, she was thrilled beyond belief to help me clean Vaseline off of the bedrails and toys. Of course, I have no-one but myself to blame.

I am off to finish Science assignments for my class tomorrow night. I wish you and yours a very blessed evening. See ya tomorrow!

J

Playing Polka with Various Digits

Yay! It's another beautiful day in Bealeton! I don't have a job and I feel useless, but let's smile anyway!!!

I woke up this morning feeling extra special. I just knew the days events would bring good feelings and success, just like a fortune cookie does after you fill up on Chinese food. After THE OMNIPOTENT MOMMY went to work this morning, I sucessfully fed the children and allowed them the much needed air of freedom that only Americans can provide to their children. I allowed them to watch cartoons while I went to the bathroom. Of course, I didn't bother shutting the door because that would have been cause for Def Con 2 in this household, and screams and cries would be heard for miles if they were trapped and couldn't get into the bathroom to "hang out" with me. So, I'm sitting there reading my Uncle John's Bathroom Reader (which I highly recommend, great stuff for Father's Day) and my sweet Princess Claire decides she wants to come in and tell me hi. Small talk commences, Daddy is going potty, she thinks that's cool, so she closes the door. Nicholas is behind the door and lets out his famous Nazgul scream, and keeps screaming for at least 30 seconds, which I am ignoring because I think it's just because he doesn't want a door to be closed and in his way. Finally, Claire decides to reopen the door, and Nicholas comes in with his pinky finger looking like somebody was playing the accordian with it, all bent out of shape. I was freaking at this point because it looked like his finger was broken and irrepairable. He had gotten it trapped in the hinge side of the door, and it was just chillin' there while I ignored his screams. I felt like the worst father in the world. I had no way of knowing, but still, I have learned my lesson. I don't care if he whines in his sleep while he is dreaming, I'm going in there to check up on him.

We went to the Doctor, and he said the finger looked good considering Nicholas took the brunt of the hinge side of the door. He has some broken blood vessels and it is really sore, but he is bending it nicely so that was cause enough to forgoe the x-ray (thank you, God) and give N some Motrin instead. I finally got him and Claire home and put some food in their bellies. They were in good spirits when I put them down for a nap. I hope the happiness lasts for both of them. It has been a rough morning. Nicholas is one tough little dude, perhaps tougher than Chuck Norris, even.

Chuck Norris can't touch this.

On another note, the job hunt is still ongoing. I have some major decisions to make. I wish I had more certain factors at this point, but we will have to see what happens. I am thinking school and work, but I don't want to push it. I don't know what is going to happen with THE OMNIPOTENT MOMMY, if she wants to pursue other employment when her temp work is up, or if it is going to be up to me again. Of course, I do not want to stay a house Dad, but if I get the chance to full time school and education, it would be worth it for us, I think.

The good news is, I just had another call from one of the positions I applied for. I better call back now. See ya later!

J

TGIF...Unless You Are Unemployed

TGIF EVERYONE.

That means "Thank God It's Friday" for all of you non-abbreviation speaking people. Or, if you are in my situation, it means "It's Groundhog Day!!!"

(Watch the movie. You'll get the point.)

This morning I was up at the same time, doing the same thing, eating the same food, helping with the same stuff. Oh, the good thing is, on Fridays, THE OMNIPOTENT MOMMY stays home with me!!! I must say this is a very good thing. I can actually get some stuff done...on most Fridays. However, THE OMNIPOTENT MOMMY wasn't feeling so hot this morning...stuffy nose, sore throat, a bit of crankiness. She was undoubtedly not in the mood to put up with Nazgul and Princess' nonsense. I actually took a picture of her to show her misfortunate state and was going to post it but then when she found out what the picture was for, she threatened me with words that I had to look up in the dictionary. I figured the pic posting might not be such a great idea.

Anyway, so I "volunteered" to help with the chidren this morning. We took them over to the playground and watched them tumble and fight and the usual scenario.



If you click on the picture, the shirt says it all.

Well, after this adventure, we came back to the apartment and put them down for a nap. "Nap", of course, means we put them in their beds, but as soon as we shut the door they are trying to kill each other as if war has been declared and the general conscensus is to take no prisoners. THE OMNIPOTENT MOMMY was about to hand out some beatdowns (for she is not feeling well) and thus I had to poke my head in there and they shooped up under the covers as if to make it appear that our ears had indeed deceived us and, in fact, they were asleep the whole time. Nazgul of course was not happy that I left after sticking my head in there, and he had to let me know it by the usual cries of hysteria.

This is a typical day. Did somebody say "Road Trip"?

For now, it is noon time and I have been blogging for 15 minutes. It is time for me to start looking for various jobs online once again. THE OMNIPOTENT MOMMY is sitting on the couch, sighing with relief that the children have finally ceased warfare and succumbed to the sandman. I quite simply am sitting here next to her, motivated, and ready to roll on the job search:



Now who wouldn't want to hire such a motivated individual???

They must be crazy.

You have a good day. Peace out to K-diddy.

Would You Like Fries With That?

So yesterday I got a call from one of the many companies that I have contacted via the web concerning employment, and they offered me a job.

We went through the whole interview on the phone, and then AFTER I had endured all the insane questions that they hurled at me ("What are your short term goals...duuuuuhhhhhh, What do you want to be when you grow up...uhhhhhhh, Do you weigh more than a nerf ball?, etc.) they asked me what my salary requirements were. After I told them, there was a long, awkward pause, followed by clearing of throat and then there was the statement that my asking salary was waaaaay too high.

Times have definitely changed since I last tried this foolishness.

My salary requirements are too high? Give me a break. This is Northern Virginia we live in. I have friends with fewer qualifications making crazy cash because they are working for Big Uncle Sugar (Sam). My friend Kevin told me you gotta get in Uncle Sugar's boat, and then you're home free. I told the hiring company that I could not make it on that salary, sorry.

I need to gain admission to Uncle Sugar's boat.

Well, the deal is, to get into Uncle Sugar's boat, you have to apply for boat rides on USAjobs.gov. This is such a long, drawn out process as my friend Kevin is well aware. He has been applying for Uncle Sugar's boatride for a while and Uncle Sugar keeps smacking him away from the boats with his specialized oars that he calls KSAOs. You have to write these KSAOs for just about every question they ask you on some of these jobs, and it takes you forever to answer. You might end up applying for two or three jobs in a week as a result. It is terribly time consuming.

I prefer monster.com at this point, anything to get hired with liveable income. But Uncle Sugar's rides are way better with benefits. You better get yours while the gettin's good.

It is so hard in this economy to acquire and maintain gainful employment, which is why I had better get off this blog and apply for more jobs before Princess and Nazgul wake up. See ya later!

The Reversal

Allow me to introduce myself.

No, I've no time for introductions. Let me tell you my dilemna:

I used to work in an office environment until about a week ago, when my boss announced that due to economic downsizing, I was being let go as a casualty of the current recession. He didn't say it in that many words, but really what I heard was, "Blah blah blah, you're out of a job."

I had to come home that day and tell my wife the sad news. She took it rather well. I only had to use the smelling salts twice. Seeing as I have been an employee of six years at that job, I am now in the process of adjustment.

Since we have two toddlers who are full time work without pay, it has come to my understanding that if I cannot find employment in two months time, we are going to be in a rather unfortunate situation. My wife got on the horn and called up her former employer. As if God Himself was beaming a ray of sunshine down upon us, they happened to be in dire need of part time help. My wife told them she would be there as soon as they told her to. They told her to be there abruptly. This was, in my mind, an act of God. Call it coincidence, but I know better.

Consequently here I am, looking for gainful employment online and any other way I can. Oh, did I happen to mention that now since Mommy is working four days a week, yours truly has become the children's keeper? I am now the official diaper changer, breakfast maker, book reader, TV monitor, butt whacker, lunch and dinner reviser, hand washer, cookie giver, and Potty King. (I am the Potty King. I can do anything.)

And it isn't so bad after all. The children are rather pleasant. Unless they are awake, that is. They normally get me up about .000000000001 seconds after Mommy walks out the door to go to work, and then it is creative chaos until she gets home. This wouldn't be such a bad situation if I wasn't looking for employment and taking a class at the same time. If I try to get on here, they are crawling all over me like monkeys on a banana tree. My son Nicholas, the Fell Beast or "Nazgul Bird", likes to constantly torment his sister Claire until she whacks him upside his head, and then he comes crying to me like she is the naughty one. This tactic would work if I was perhaps blind and deaf. On the other hand, if she sees him with one of HER toys, she is going to go over there and try to take it out of his hand, and then I await the dreaded Fell Beast sound emitting from Nicholas' mouth. As I sit here, listening to the Fell Beast, the immortal words of Frodo from the Lord of the Rings enter my mind: "I cannot do this alone."

NAZGUL BOY, AKA Nicholas, or Pooka



Princess Claire

I know what you're thinking as you read this: Ha Ha, bigshot Dad who thought his wife did nothing all day while he was at work and now the situation is reversed, and he gets what he deserves. Allow me to correct your train of thought. My wife may have had to care for the children, but she was not in dire need of employment and did not have to apply for jobs during the day, and she was also not going to school. This tremendously complicates the situation.

But believe me, as negative as I have made the circumstance sound, I think perhaps it is a blessing that I get to hang out with my little babies for a couple of weeks or perhaps months (hopefully not for all our sakes). I think they do love me, even though there is obviously a new sheriff in town. I have made it a pact not to be angy at them, but to be patient and loving. Although the occasional spoon-whacking-on-the-buttocks occurs when they are being super bad.

Now I must go, cuz Nazgul boy apparently needs some attention. See you later after they go to bed.